Caught In The MIddle

I've been quiet and out of it for quite a while now. I partially blame it on being a Cancer and being a tad bit emotional, but the truth is that this time I was caught in the middle and it's finally starting to get to me.

They say it's never good to air out your dirty laundry outside but you know what?! 
This is my space. my home away from home. The place where I come to write my feelings and a place where I can come back to time and time again to remind me what made me better myself and moments that have defined me, to make me who I am today. 
Who am I?
A woman who will give you all the respect you deserve and an honest friendship but the moment that she is wronged, that respect and friendship will be gone. It's funny how as I write this blog post I cry, the tears stream down my face.
They say that by the time you are 40 years old, you will be able to count your friends using your fingers and the truth is that yep. I'm not 40 yet but i'm getting there and I can already count a handful of friends in my life. It's good because there comes a point in your life, when you have no time for drama and bullshit. For me that time came a while ago, the moment I became a mom to be exact.
Being a mom of two and in her mid 30's, I thought my life would be drama free in the friendship department. Boy was I wrong! Just a few months ago there was a major fallout with a person who I thought was a "friend". Why? 
The envy, and showing of true colors, when I decided to better myself, when I took a step to do something that would make me grow personally and help show my daughter the meaning of Mom Boss and what it means to work hard from the bottom, in order to make your dreams a reality. I won't go into exact details, because that is really airing out your dirty laundry and not everyone needs to know the exact details.
How does this have to do with me getting caught in the middle?
The situtation sort of involved three people and out of those three people I was the one who was ghosted. I'm the one who lost a "friendship". For me to explain what I really mean, I need to go into details and I really don't want to go there. I am neither a victim and do not want to put myself out as one, and even though this entire post might seem to be all over the place it's not. And if it is, it's because I'm personally all over the place as well. I have been since this whole situtation began, especially when you feel like someone should be on your side and they aren't. When you see two people, one who calls themselve your friend and one who decided to not be your friend anymore, act as if nothing happened. This is where I was caught in the middle. Yes, you need more information. Again it's not only mine to disclose. I could tell you what happened, but that would be one side of the story. Everyone knows that every story has two sides.
So before you give an opinion or should you decide to take a side, listen to all sides of the story.
You might think, so then what good came out of this change?
 A lot of good things happened, even though it might not seem like it right now, but it's like they say change can be hard. Especially when it's to better yourself. People will drop out of your life, and that's ok. Yes, it's hard, because when I offer you my friendship it is an honest one, but I really don't want people who are secretly cheering for me to fail in my life, I need people who will cheer for me loudly and secretly. I want people who will truly understand what it means to support your achievements. I want people with whom we can cheer and support each other.
I know that there will be one day when I can say that I don't care anymore about the people who are not in my life, and one day when I will understand why I was caught in the middle. 
Today is not the day and that's ok. I'm working on it, I cry when I have to, I take breathers, I go for a run, I look up at the sky and most important of all I look at my children and am reminded of why I do what I do every single day. It's because of them that I work hard and it is them who will always be by my side no matter what.
It is my family that matters the most.


Kary xoxo

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